It seems strange…
Because, a woman just experienced the most profound, mind bending, body changing, heart opening experience of her life, and people want to know, “How much did the baby weigh?”.
Perhaps it’s too personal? Maybe women don’t want to share their birth experience, so people just don’t ask? Instead, —“Is it a boy or a girl?”. But I think women do want to share. And I think the more that women share, the more they can be empowered by their experience, and the less mystery there will be around birth for first time moms.
Don’t sugar coat it, but…
I think, because so few ask how the mother is doing after birth, the only opportunity women have to share, is when other expecting moms are asking around for advice. And I have found that women just unload! And there are a lot of horror stories. Women should share what they went through, but perhaps blurting out how traumatic it was, or how crazy they would be to not get an epidural, isn’t exactly helpful.
I was so thankful for the few mothers who shared their empowering stories with me, I held onto their words in my head and heart. I hope that my story can paint a picture while also getting women excited about their birth experience!
I am an open book, and this is a happy story!
Fast forward 24 or so hours of labor… My eyes were closed tightly, all I could see was darkness and this white hot circle of pain, deep deep inside my belly. A force stronger than me, pulling me open from the inside, connecting this world with some other dimension. All I could hear was my husband’s voice, “You’re doing it, keep breathing”. He didn’t sound scared. But at this point, I was scared. For hours, contractions came one on top of the other, wave after wave… I was drowning. “Breathe”, he would say. My lungs expanded more deeply than ever in my life, but there was no air. How could I do this for 4 or 8 more hours?
It was a holiday weekend, and a full moon. Labor and Delivery at the hospital was full— every room. And they were short handed. My midwife was busy delivering two other babies, so she popped in when she got a chance. She and the nurse believed I still had a long way to go.
At this stage, I felt like I was loosing control. I just needed a break between contractions, there were supposed to be breaks! I just wanted this to be over, and they offered me an out. I don’t even remember this, but apparently I was pissed at the nurse for mentioning an epidural, and I said no. But, I remember asking myself, “How can I do this for much longer? Let alone hours longer.” … Then my body started to push, the nurse noticed and was worried. She warned me that I couldn’t push yet.
But it WAS time to push. They had to get some other doctor who wasn’t delivering a baby at the moment to come check, and my body knew what to do, I was ready… I didn’t have 4-8 more hours like they were telling me. This was like spotting land in the distance, after being lost at sea. My midwife appeared, and they gave me oxygen.
I pushed! Fearing no pain, feeling unstoppable… I was loud! I knew that people down the hall and in the other rooms could hear me, and I just didn’t care. I felt his head, and I pushed some more. And moments later (I think 13 min?), a life. A wet little body in my arms.
…
Rewind 28 hours, and I was just a pregnant woman walking around the apartment wondering, WHEN will this baby ever come? And then, my water broke!!!! :)
I was too excited and happy to sleep. Plus, contractions (mild) woke me up ever 20 min to an hour. In the morning I showered, and on the way to the hospital, I made Abe stop at Trader Joe’s because I wanted apple sauce. Walking around the store, no one knew that I was in labor, and it was pretty funny. It was just an ordinary day for everyone else, but we were on a journey that would change our lives forever!
Like I said, Labor and Delivery was packed, and they couldn’t get me into a delivery room for over 2 hours. We were stuck in this tiny triage room with no bathroom… it was not ideal! I was still hardly dilated, so they gave me some medication to help soften my cervix, and whoa, things started to get a lot more intense after that.
Finally in the delivery room, we tried to settle in. The nurse though… It seemed like she came back from retirement because they were short staffed. She didn’t know how to work the computer. She asked me what my pain level was, then argued and put down what she thought I was feeling — alright! I didn’t feel like I could trust her, and she made me nervous.
The waiting game… Meditation, mantras, breathing, bouncing, leaning on the bed, taking a really hot shower in the dark bathroom while dancing to drums. My husband put counter pressure on my hips during contractions, and that was really helpful. You try everything, and just ride the waves.
The waves grew larger and closer together. But my midwife checked my cervix and, she over embellished to make me feel better because, I was still less than 3cm.
Birth will strip away any ego or shame we might usually have guarding us. I never even peed with my husband in the room, but today, I was going number two with my arms wrapped around his waist. We reached a whole new level, haha. (The details of this chapter don’t need to be on the internet…. so, moving on!!!)
And that brings us back to where I started this story. Hours of intensity, with seemingly no end in sight. Holding on with just my breath and the support of my husband. With all the experience the nurses had, my body knew better. And I can only imagine that the second time around, knowing that will be my biggest ally.
Trust your body. We are capable of so much more than we can imagine. Birth is hard, but I can’t think of anything that could be more rewarding. No one can take that away from us.